Beyond Success and Failure

Early in my sobriety, I ran across the book titled above.  The Beechers, a husband and wife team of academic psychologists trained by Adler, a close associate of Jung, are the authors. Carl Jung was one of the thought leaders given significant credit for his understanding of Alcoholics by Bill Wilson.  The Twelve and Twelve dives into this subject in a few places, “Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us? (Page 92, 12×12).

As the title of this book and AA references suggested, have we severely limited our perspective by not living in the duality which Rudyard Kipling captured so eloquently -“If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;  If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same?” We all live in a world that thinks “Success and Failure” IS the game we are all playing, or at least supposed to be playing. 

So is there something beyond these two goalposts?  Are we depriving ourselves of something much better by accepting these limited concepts to rule our lives?  The AA literature is pretty explicit, “In the years since, however, most of us have come to agree with those doctors. We have had a much keener look at ourselves and those about us. We have seen that we were prodded by unreasonable fears or anxieties into making a life business of winning fame, money, and what we thought was leadership. So false pride became the reverse side of that ruinous coin marked ‘Fear.’ We simply had to be number one people to cover up our deep-lying inferiorities. In fitful successes, we boasted of greater feats to be done; in defeat, we were bitter. If we didn’t have much of any worldly success, we became depressed and cowed” (Page 112, 12×12).

In my own life, the insatiable need for taking credit is where this dilemma most manifests itself. As I am writing this piece, an example of the above just raised its ugly head.  I have a central role in a major legal case as an expert witness. Still, I was significantly dependent on the well-developed research of an academic who is undoubtedly the World’s expert on the subject.  Partly as the result of trying to requisition his analysis into the case, my client has rediscovered this person, and it now looks that my role will be subordinate as a result.  My first reaction was that in helping the other guy, my importance got reduced.  The reality is that the case is much stronger with both of us collaborating.  I picked up the phone, welcoming his involvement even though it turns my role into more of a bit player.  The two dozen families whose houses were destroyed in a recent wildfire are much better served by us working in tandem rather than me trying to hog all the limelight.

So is it often the case that “less is more”?  By that, if we are genuinely looking for the result that God may want, is getting less for ourselves often the way God’s will is furthered?  All I can say is that after going through a few hours feeling a sense of loss, I am now experiencing the peacefulness that comes from a sense of teamwork where the two of us are much more, even if I don’t get the starring role.