In the journey of recovery through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the phrase “I’ve got the monkey off my back, but the circus is still in town” perfectly captures the ongoing struggle many face. While the immediate burden of alcohol addiction may be lifted, the chaotic forces of ego, fear, and self-doubt often remain, requiring continuous attention and management.
Ego, in particular, is a relentless ringmaster, constantly trying to control the show. It manifests in our need for validation, our desire to be right, and our attempts to manage outcomes and people. Even after we’ve stopped drinking, these remnants of our old selves can create havoc, just like a circus that never quite leaves town.
A personal experience underscores this struggle. I recently gave one of my attorney clients critical insights into how large homebuilders finance housing projects with public bonds, which became key to resolving a large insurance claim. Instead of continuing to use me as the expert, the attorney sought out an ex-accountant from another homebuilder for further explanation. In the past, my ego would have driven me to assert that I deserved the credit. However, at a recent meeting on another case, I chose instead to compliment him on selecting the other person. He then glowingly shared how that choice helped resolve the claim. This moment of letting go of ego not only strengthened our relationship but also allowed me to focus on the bigger picture—helping my client succeed.
AA’s 12 Steps offer a roadmap for taming this circus. The program teaches us that the first step in dismantling ego is admitting our powerlessness—not just over alcohol but over life itself when driven by self-centeredness. Recognizing that we don’t have all the answers is the beginning of true humility, the antidote to ego.
In meetings, we learn that sharing our stories and listening to others helps to quiet the circus. Vulnerability, where ego is most uncomfortable, becomes our strength. By admitting our struggles and allowing others to do the same, we start to see that we are not alone in our journey. This collective experience helps us understand that the chaos we feel inside is not unique but part of the shared human condition.
As we work through the Steps, particularly those involving making amends and taking inventory, we begin to dismantle the tents of self-deception that ego has erected. These practices force us to look at ourselves honestly, not through the distorted lens of pride or shame, but with clarity. They help us understand that while the circus may never fully leave, we can learn to manage it more effectively. The concept of “Let Go and Let God” is crucial in keeping the circus in check. This idea of surrendering to a Higher Power is not about passivity but actively releasing our need for control. It’s about trusting that there is a greater plan at work, one that doesn’t require us to be the ringmaster of our own lives
More will be revealed 