In the journey of sobriety, especially for those of us with a decade or more under our belts, the interplay between understanding God and understanding ourselves becomes increasingly significant. David G. Benner, in The Gift of Being Yourself, posits that true spiritual wholeness emerges when we delve deeply into both. I chose this author and topic because of the Forward. “Some will perceive This concept resonates with our experiences in AA, where the path to recovery intertwines self-discovery with a growing relationship with a Higher Power.” I thought this was the essence of what I have been trying to do in Morewillberevealed.blog
The False Self vs. The True Self
Benner introduces the idea of the “false self”—a construct of ego, fear, and societal expectations that obscures our authentic identity. This lines up with what we’ve talked about in AA: those masks we wore while drinking, trying to hide our insecurities and pain. In sobriety, we start peeling those layers back like an onion to uncover who we really are—our “true self” rooted in honesty and connected to something greater. “Identity is never simply a creation. It is always a discovery. True identity is always a gift of God.” says Benner. Lately, in my spiritual journey, I have felt the reality of this. My confidence level has soared, and I’m reaching out to people I would have shied away from a couple of years ago.
Surrender as a Path to Wholeness
Surrender—it’s a big word in AA. In “The Second Surrender,” I posited that admitting we’re powerless isn’t the end of the world; it’s actually the beginning of something better. Benner hits this same point, saying that when we let go of our false selves, we can finally discover our true selves in God. “We do not find our true self by seeking it. Rather, we find it by seeking God.” The corollary is that we won’t find our true selves if we don’t seek God. This is an amazing statement from a lifelong psychologist trained in all the disciplines.
Knowing God and Knowing Yourself
Here’s a twist: the better you know yourself, the better you’ll know God. We talked about this idea in “Perfectly Imperfect: Progress, Not Spiritual Perfection,” where embracing our flaws opens us up to grace. Benner takes it a step further, saying, “There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God.” In AA, we’ve got the tools to deal with this—continuous inventory (Step Ten) and conscious contact with God (Step Eleven) keep us honest and connected.
Authenticity and Vulnerability
Being real isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. In AA meetings, sharing our struggles—warts and all—helps us connect and heal. Benner’s on the same page when he says our true self is grounded in God’s love. “To truly know love, we must receive it in an undefended state.” Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s the bridge to authentic relationships and spiritual growth. We’ve all seen it repeatedly—being open lets the light in.
Daily Practices for True Self-Discovery
Figuring out who we really are takes work—daily work. In “Worry: The Illusion of Control,” I wrote about how practices like prayer, meditation, and reflection can help us stay grounded. Benner’s take aligns perfectly with Steps Eleven and Twelve: seek God’s will, carry the message, and practice these principles in all our affairs. “Transformational knowing is always personal, never merely objective. It involves knowing of, not merely knowing about. And it is always relational.” It’s a day-at-a-time process that brings us closer to the person we’re meant to be.
Freedom from Shame
Shame is a heavy load, and it’s one we’ve all carried. In “Inoculated by Incomprehensible Demoralization,” we postulated how shame can keep us stuck. Benner reminds us that God’s love sees past our flaws, offering us freedom and healing. “Mercy responds to what is not good and makes it good and lovable—the gift of being myself.” Step Five—sharing our inventory with God and another person—is where we start breaking those chains. Shame loses its grip, and we step into the light.
The intertwined journey of knowing God and knowing ourselves enriches our recovery experience. By shedding the false self, embracing vulnerability, and engaging in daily spiritual practices, we move closer to our true identity, grounded in divine love. “As we become more like Christ, we paradoxically become our own true self more uniquely.” As we continue on this path, we find that spiritual wholeness is not a distant goal but a daily practice of authenticity and connection.
As the Big Book promises: “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.” (p. 83). Let us continue to seek both God and ourselves, trusting that the two journeys are, in truth, one. Maybe there is even more in the promises than Bill Wilson and the founders thought.
More will be revealed 