Perhaps the most significant lessons of my life have revolved around the recovery movement’s slogan: “Let Go and Let God”—a notion that involves relinquishing Ego’s attachment to, or fear of, something. One of the most pronounced attachments for most of us during our lives is being right! There’s nothing Ego loves more than being right, which makes it an essential and rewarding attachment in the process of letting go.

 I seriously doubt that anyone is reading this who hasn’t engaged in arguing about trivial matters that turned into disagreements, which had a net effect of following a road of self-righteous anger. And all of it probably seemed to be for no reason other than the desire, or need, to be right! Eventually, we may look back with wistful amusement, realizing now that our fear of actually being wrong was so intense that another person’s opinion could energize this unwanted feeling. Ego’s compulsion is to be right no matter what, a highly effective maneuver that distracts us from achieving a real purpose in our lives. The good thing is, letting go of an attachment to being right can be a fairly simple exercise.

 So how can you choose to let go and let God in the quest to eliminate your attachment to being right? You can handle it with these simple words spoken to another—You’re right about that. It stems from a soulful decision you make that you’ll always choose to be kind when given a choice between being right and being kind. Saying “you’re right about that” will gradually open the entry point to a road that leads through letting go and letting God and experiencing a more meaningful life.

Part of the meaning we gain by letting go is a movement toward real contentment. Most stress in our lives results from hanging on to beliefs that keep us striving for more because Ego stubbornly believes we need it. When we make the shift away from attachment, the influence of our Ego fades. We replace attachment with contentment. Chasing and striving—and then becoming attached to what we chased after—is a source of anxiety that feeds Ambition, but it usually doesn’t satisfy the need for meaning at our soul level.

Clancy Imislund died on August 24, 2020, at 93 and with 62 years of continuous sobriety.  “Clancy I.” as the AA World knew him (and perhaps only Bill W. and Dr. Bob,  AA’s cofounders were better known) became a successful advertising executive after only a few years of sobriety.   But Clancy gave it all up to become the director of the Midnight Mission on skid row in downtown Los Angeles.  He fixed his imprimatur on it by focusing on a recovery outreach to indigent alcoholics. Still, he was also an AA sponsor to the stars, including Star Wars Carrie Fisher, Dick Van Dyke, and close friend actor Anthony Hopkins.

He anguished for years over the death of his infant son, who froze to death in a house with no heat while Clancy was out drinking.  He struggled with a Higher Power whom he could not forgive or who seemingly would not forgive him either.

Clancy frequently spoke around the US and received invitations by AA groups in many foreign countries as well. It was his profoundly intellectual understanding of the program, the turn of phrase of a talented ad man, coupled with his exquisite sense of self-deprecating humor, which caused people like me to return again and again to hear his “pitch.”   His delivery was not aimed above his listeners but at a level that everyone could identify.   No one could explain better than Clancy what an alcoholic was and felt like, not only in sociological or psychological terms but in the everyday sense that others who shared the same disease could relate.   Clancy maintained that he had heard everything he ever could know about Alcoholism by the time he was 25.  But it was only “information” with no power to transform his life.

What was needed, and seemingly only could be provided by another alcoholic, was identification.  It was only identification that could suspend disbelief sufficiently to allow a suffering alcoholic to take suggested actions they KNEW wouldn’t work-and particularly those embedded in the infamous 12 STEPS of Alcoholics Anonymous.  But there was also more needed to sustain the fellowship of sober alcoholics. 

The Washingtonians, a temperance movement formed in 1840 by six alcoholics, focused on individual sobriety and it snowballed to a membership estimated at 600,000.  But in less than five years, it completely fell apart because they tried to increase their focus to address many other causes, thereby fragmenting the groups.   Amazingly, just a few decades later, in AA’s early days, Bill W. and Dr. Bob had never even heard of the Washingtonians so utterly had the signs of it vanished. 

Clancy consistently stressed how necessary it is for AA groups to live by principles as well. He worked hard to maintain “Singleness of Purpose” partly by not allowing speakers at the Pacific Group he founded to talk about addictions besides Alcoholism. Every speaker had to identify as an alcoholic or risked being asked to step down from the podium.

 Without “one drunk talking to another,” said Clancy, everything else is “just Information.”

Albert Einstein has been widely quoted as saying, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”  In the same sense, the authors of the Big Book talked about the intuitive mind as one of the Promises of AA.  But the Big Book never went on to explain why our path of sobriety helps produce this gift.

First, it might be helpful to examine what intuition is and how it differs from our rational mind. As the dictionary defines it: intuition is the ability to acquire knowledge without recourse to conscious reasoning. In Eastern religions, this is not a new phenomenon. For instance, in Zen Buddhism, intuition is deemed a mental state between the Universal mind and one’s discriminating mind. But in the West, intuition does not appear as a separate field of study. Malcolm Gladwell in “Blink” launched interest in the subject, although he never mentions “intuition” by name. Some of the academic interest generated by the book was critical of his idea of a small slice of thought, sometimes only 15 seconds, which jettisoned lots of unessential data allowing our conscious mind to focus solely on what’s important. They thought it substantially underplayed the power of intuition to handle complex or messy data that does not necessarily reduce itself to an underlying pattern. That includes situations requiring subtle discrimination.

That formal criticism showed that intuition aided our conscious mind because of its processing limitation. That we can deal with only 4-7 ideas in our mind at one time is well documented in the literature. So as the complexity of problems [often including fears] increases, our conscious reasoning can’t handle it. In AA, through the steps of the program, we eliminate much of that complexity-which gives rise to the slogan that “AA is a simple program for complicated people”. Perhaps a modern analogy might bring a little insight into how intuition can work for us. One of the things that gave computers such a leap forward is parallel processing or working on various aspects of a problem simultaneously. Likewise, during an intuitive process, our billions of neurons can access each other independently, often creating “bank shots” where one neuron’s impulse causes many other neurons to fire. So particularly in quiet periods, our intuitive brain is humming right along oblivious to our oversight or direction.

As it turns out, intuition works best during periods where paradoxically, we are not trying to be intuitive. It also is particularly useful in areas of human interaction. I didn’t do a spreadsheet on my wife’s attributes, nor did she with me; we both “knew” the other was the one. So as we see our lives improve and some of our self-created problems recede, we calm down a bit. The process of turning our will and lives over to the care of God is one of trust where we depend on our Higher Power to supply us answers. What if those answers came in part from our intuitive mind? And what if we started handling more situations that use to baffle us? Wouldn’t we want more of the same?

So what might we do to increase our intuitive powers? Every time you use and trust them, they become stronger. Try acting on the first thought you have and see how often it is the answer you have been seeking. Think about your brain as a database in an IBM mainframe capable of storing information in it’s 100 billion neurons. What can we do to add to that database with experiences, knowledge, and by absorbing tons of quality writing and conversation? The more our intuition has to work with, the better its input into our conscious mind, and the more others are likely to trust our intuitive powers as well. Next, it is becoming more intentional about quiet times, including a daily dedicated prayer and meditation and reflection time. Being current with our amends helps immensely. Also, does meeting our social needs by maintaining connections with friends and sponsors, including unloading upon them when appropriate. And of course, all-important is maintaining our spiritual connection, which keeps opening our lifeline to our Higher Power and also to the scaffolding provided by our intuition that helps support our reasoning process.

John Crean was one of my three AA sponsors, who remarkably all carried the given name, John. I counseled with him frequently and notably while facing transitional decisions, usually in a work context. There was ample justification for my seeking him out as John was the most successful businessperson in the United States, who also founded his career and operated in business on AA Principles. John joined AA in his twenties and was sober until his death. Starting with a company selling Venetian blinds, he then quickly founded Fleetwood Enterprises, which amazingly became a Fortune 500 company. He grew Fleetwood at his retirement in 1998 into the largest manufacturer in all Fleetwood’s market segments: manufactured housing, motor homes, and travel trailers.
John always got right to the point. I had sold my company-restricted however, by an impossibly broad, ten-year non-compete in my former occupation. I whimpered for an hour about what I could not do moving forward. Silent for an hour of my unloading, he offered a one-line prescription, don’t worry, “you’ll bump into something.” At the time, I felt cheated. ‘John, didn’t you hear my dilemma-please help me with defining some options.’ As it turned out, that simple phrase became a footing for exploring new directions whenever my world turned upside down- as it has with clockwork regularity over the ensuing years. I think that catchphrase might also be the appropriate metaphor for the world as we know it today, turned upside down by the COVID 19 Pandemic.
What John imparted to me in his plain speak has fundamental underpinnings. The first is that “bumping into” is something accidental or serendipitous, certainly not the result of careful planning and execution on one’s part. It is like making the break shot in pool, where the cue ball is sent firmly at the triangle, causing an explosion and infinite alignments of the balls. The second is that it implies motion. The “bumping into” is much more likely if you are already in motion. In AA, we have a couple of sayings that explain it. “Action is the magic word” and “you cannot Think yourself into right living, but only Act your way into right thinking.”
But how does one take the first step? That is where the program’s insistence that we only take a day at a time comes in. Also, where the inescapable “maintenance of our spiritual condition” requires a quiet heart and mind to hear what God’s plan might be for us as he slowly doles it out. Usually, he just shows us “the next indicated thing” to do. Without revealing the entire plan, he will give us the Power to take that next step, which requires Trust. That first action and the actions that follow in subsequent “One day(s) at a time” eventually leads to something that feels like God is again caring for me, and my “Trust Steps” are validated. But for people like me with chronically unsatisfied ego needs, there is an emotional downside. If all I did through prayer and meditation was to take the next indicated step, how could I then claim the credit for having created a master plan that might lead out of the wilderness?
Currently, like many in this Pandemic upending of our lives, I am experiencing a slowdown and stretching out of my work and income as deadlines are pushed forward into the future to accommodate the “new normal.” Thankfully, unlike many, I still have a business and a job. I am praying for answers, but what I get is only a daily inspiration to take the next step in faith that only might provide a new direction. Years now of operating under this principle have led me to believe that when I do, I will in fact “bump into something”. It will be a surprise-and “…immeasurably more than [I could] ask or imagine [for].” But I will then have to suck it up and thank the real source for it and be shown my rightful place again in God’s hierarchy, as his small child and certainly not even one of his lesser lieutenants. When I do arrive there, I must admit that it is a very peaceful state of being. Too bad I can’t spend more time in that place.

 
As the “Big Book” says, “… all of us felt at times that we were regaining control. However, such intervals, usually brief, were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.” P30, Although there may be a few souls that just stumbled into a meeting of AA for the coffee and donuts, most of us did not select AA with our academic counselors as a preferred destination. The contrary is true. Things had to get so bad that even after holding our noses, donning disguises at unfamiliar meetings in strange cities; many of us still take multiple attempts over many years to “get it.” Things must get so desperate, i.e., Incomprehensible Demoralization, for us to give up enough of our self-will to employ the full measures required to take the 12 Steps. Although our bottoms may be very different (ranging from losing nearly everything to losing very little materially but still being quite stuck in despair), most – if not all – of us can relate to the misery of this pitiful condition.

However, maybe this has given us sober survivors an outside edge over ordinary people in this unfamiliar territory of COVID 19 infection and the impacts of the closing down of our economy. We’re not immune from any of the fallout such as job loss, business failure, 401K shrinkage, freedom from “sheltering in place” and even possible infection and worse. We bear those same shocks along with the rest of the country, but the effects will be uneven across geography and also among friends. However, for those non-alcoholic members of society who have not experienced truly incomprehensible demoralization at the level participation in AA seems to require, they may lack the point of comparison it provides us. Looking backward, we Alcoholics know we have lived through much worse, especially as respects the emotional and spiritual hell we all endured, the absolute humiliation our behavior engendered, and our complete inability to remedy ourselves by ourselves.

It’s become a Mantra (although probably not part of any AA literature) that one accurate measure of spiritual maturity in AA is the ability to live comfortably with unresolved situations. COVID 19 may be the poster child as an example of unresolved situations, entirely beyond our control. It would be hard to write a script for a set of circumstances that could involve more uncertainty.

We have a beautiful illustration with the collapse of so many scientific hypotheses our leaders have relied upon about why our absolute dependence on our Higher Power is a sign of strength, not weakness. If we could have solved our dilemma as alcoholics using our brainpower and willpower, we would have. But we couldn’t, and we didn’t.

As with other inoculations requiring periodic “booster shots,” our vaccination can lose its power over time. One of those boosters is current contact with other struggling alcoholics whose experience of incomprehensible demoralization is fresh and robust and will let us experience our past without having to relive it. They can quickly remind us of the “chilling vapor of loneliness, “as well as the “hideous four horsemen – Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair” (AA BB p, 151).

We can remember those feelings ourselves, give thanks that while they may visit on occasion, they are no longer common companions. Then we can convey our experience using the tools of our program, which soothed us back then, may assist the newcomer a bit now, and remarkably lift our spirits again.

Chuck “C” was a Beverly Hills alcoholic who got sober in 1947 and died sober in 1984. He quickly became the most prolific AA speaker in California, and later speaking with his wife Elsa (one of the founders of Alanon) all over the world. He was a successful businessman providing fixtures for large grocery chains. He was only one of two California AAs along with Clancy I. to be known by first name, last initial. He had planned his retirement on a promise from his boss to buy out his interest but who ultimately reneged on his promise. So, Chuck drove from Laguna Beach and his home on the hill to his downtown Los Angeles office every day for the next 15 years. A lifelong smoker, his emphysema hastened his death. Chuck left behind a book that was published shortly after his death. A New Pair of Glasses is based on a series of lectures he delivered at the Pala Mesa Retreat Center in 1975. The book has sold over 500,000 copies without any promotion but never adopted as official AA literature.

Chuck’s most unique contribution to AA was his definition of the underlying problem of alcoholism, which he described as the feeling of conscious separation, and for which a sense of conscious unity was the answer. The result is sobriety and the ability to live comfortably, peacefully, and joyfully with oneself. Critical also was his view on prayer-“…if I am praying right, it’s not something for me. It’s that I might be some value to you. In AA, we don’t tell, we share. Without sharing, without caring, there would be no recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous.”

Nothing in the 29 years of Chuck “C.’s” sobriety would indicate that his life would ever be manageable again. “So, either one is going to run his life and take the consequences thereof, or one is not going to run it and take the consequences thereof-and they don’t mix.”

Chuck developed a unique view of a business. “But, I didn’t have any competitors because I wasn’t competing with anybody. I was just helping my people do things they need to have done because I wanted to.” Previously to AA, he thought his only option was to “out-think, outperform and outmaneuver to eke out a miserable living out of an unfriendly universe.” In times of financial stress he renewed his commitment to making “…twelve step calls” on business.

“God doesn’t intrude where he isn’t wanted, so he never keeps me from making mistakes. He loved me enough to allow me to make my mistakes, that I might sooner run out of my resources and come back home where I belong. My business is to do his business, and his business is to take care of me.” “Uncovering, discovering & discarding is the process by which this happens. And it’s a continuous process because the higher we go, the more we have to discard, and the more we discard the freer we become, it’s amazing.”

I was privileged to know Chuck C., and although he wasn’t my official AA sponsor, I called upon him occasionally when I had a particularly tricky problem to deal with. As did many, I met on one occasion with Chuck in his living room, where he sat in a large chair overlooking the Pacific Ocean. His guidance for our two-hour meeting was that he would listen to everything I had to say without interruption if I would do the same for him. I strung out my tale of woe, and he never said a word. Then without even referring to what I said with any particularity, he laid out his thoughts on why the solution to my problem was in pursuing “conscious unity” with God and my fellow man. It wasn’t a hard sell because my experience with AA was simply that for me. It was the home I was always seeking, even though on the surface, my family’s upbringing, love, and understanding were never lacking-I just couldn’t connect with it.

If you caught yourself smiling over this caption, maybe it’s because you have been conditioned to see Humility as a virtue you should be modeling but finding yourself failing miserably or at least being woefully inconsistent at it. The Big Book refers to Humility in a few contexts: “But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness, and honesty in the sense we find it necessary until they told someone else all their life’s story.” and “It is a striking thought that God never forces anyone to do His will, that his help is ever available and has to be sought in all earnestness and humility.”

Just writing about Humility should disqualify one from being able to claim its virtues. If you think you are Humble than instantly, you have identified yourself as prideful about being humble. Perhaps the only safe approach to personal Humility is to admit that pride is your natural condition, but that you are seeking through God to have that condition gradually, albeit not permanently removed.

But some of us go around claiming how lowly we are even negating every kind and well-meaning compliment we receive. Somehow by constantly belittling ourselves, we are declaring a sort of moral superiority over our outwardly prideful brethren. In my early years of sobriety, I represented this character until my gig was up. “Bob, it isn’t that you think so well or so poorly of yourself; it’s that you think CONSTANTLY of yourself.” So maybe part of the key in approaching Humility is to increase our thoughts of others, particularly in the context of serving their needs quietly and even anonymously at times. One of the best recommendations I ever received was the approbation that every day I should do at least two good turns for someone else and not get found out.  If I did it wouldn’t count.

But maybe Humility isn’t the opposite of pride and it’s more extreme form in arrogance. Shame seems a much better candidate for the role of pride’s opposite.  And Humility isn’t turning ourselves into a worm, but a middle position that we might describe as a more realistic view of ourselves-some would say “right-sizing”.  In doing our Fourth and Fifth Steps, the Big Book says we are learning the habit of accurate self-appraisal. I can remember fearfully blurting out my innermost secrets to a minister in Huntington Beach and then hearing his reaction, “Is that all there is?” I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t the come back he gave me. At first, I felt rejection because of his lukewarm reply, but later that turned to relief that I was just another flawed human being like everyone else in the world.

One of the spiritual or religious underpinnings of Humility is that in attaining it, by default we are glorifying God. A word that we post-moderns might better identify with is credit instead of glory. All I ever wanted was credit. Mostly, I wanted credit for brilliant and penetrating analysis, innovative new ideas, and occasionally for a well-timed retort that brought down the house in laughter. I can’t say that much has changed in that regard over the years and I don’t think I am alone in this respect. For I have found when I can stop and really listen to somebody else’s ideas and then enthusiastically (and with real spontaneity) call them out for such a great approach I see the hunger in their eyes being satisfied-somebody finally noticed!

If we accept as a premise of the program that we have equal access to a God of our understanding, then even we lowly alcoholics must all be comparable if He responds to each of us on request. Maybe our Humility should be based on the equality of the relationship we can have with God if we reach out to Him and develop a real connection through the completion of the 12 steps. However, we know the world does not work that way, and there is a distribution of talents varying in kind and amount. Are we not to acknowledge that? Since these are God-given talents, we certainly don’t want to be in the position of being either ungrateful or denying God Himself the use of abilities He has granted us. And we feel that His will is for us to use and develop our talents, becoming Co-Creators with Him. To venture forth trying to do His will, we need at least a modicum of confidence or if circumstances demand, even a whole lot of confidence. So how can a confident but not cocky demeanor co-exist with Humility?

Two names for the position we must straddle are Confident Humility and Humble Confidence. That is to be humble in our equality before God as His children but confident in all the attributes that God has bestowed upon us, and that He expects us to use to his rightful credit.

The question I would ask is whether the difference between these two descriptors is just semantic or does one better describe the tone of the attitude that God wants us to bring “in all our affairs.”?

Every member who follows the AA program realizes two foundational things are being asked of him to surrender over-first is the admission of powerlessness over alcohol, and second is the unmanageability of their life.

We must accept that we are not going to regain power over alcohol, but likewise nowhere in the Big Book do the authors state that your life will eventually become manageable. By inference, their description of the person who expects the benefits of managing well will be disappointed. As recorded in Chapter Five of the Big Book, “Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?”

But my personal experience and observation of many others are that slowly and subtly as sober years in AA move along a member can absorb the idea that he should be demonstrating that he is successful in integrating back into a healthy life- often witnessed as he is successfully managing his life again.

The road does narrow for us. By that, I mean behavior that was once acceptable is no longer so. But we find that the prescription to turn our will and our life over to the care of God is not something that we can permanently check off our list. It’s part of our daily challenge as our rising success and confidence act against it, convincing us (along with the chorus of approbation from the World) that we can go it alone by managing well.

So, what slowly happens is that the very competency we gained by the daily practice of the principles of the program becomes the reason we no longer do it. Oh, we may acknowledge that we need our Higher Power to stay away from the first drink, but in all the other areas of life, we have regained our former mastery [or in some cases like myself, acquired it for the first time.]

Over time this produces the pressure for a “Second Surrender.” This can either come about from some bitter disappointment or setback or more often as a growing sense that things are just not the same as the buoyancy we experienced in our earlier sobriety.

What’s the remedy for this? How do we get back the sense of excitement and expansion that was so defining of our beginning years in the program-or can something else replace it?

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter, We Agnostics, discusses a dilemma most of us faced when confronted with the reality that we were both powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. “Arrived at this point, we were squarely confronted with the question of faith. We couldn’t duck the issue. Some of us had already walked far over the Bridge of Reason toward the desired shore of faith……. We were grateful that Reason had brought us so far. But somehow, we couldn’t quite step ashore. Perhaps we had been leaning too heavily on Reason that last mile, and we did not like to lose our support ?…… Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason.”
I would suggest that we face some strong cultural biases that continue to influence us and limit our reliance on our Higher Power. In the Christian religion, for instance, when was the last time you heard someone describe Jesus with the adjectives of smart or intelligent? Dallas Willard, a recently deceased professor of philosophy at USC, shocked the religious community when he referred to Jesus as “…the most intelligent man who ever lived.”
Many of us, myself included, stop at the water’s edge when prideful reliance on our own reasoning ability comes into conflict with relying on our Higher Power. My Higher Power might be indispensable in keeping me away from the first drink, but almost inconsequential in helping me to navigate the complicated waters of my own occupation, for instance. But the question is, how can I really turn my will and my life to a higher power whose intellect I value lower than my own, and whose input on weightier or complicated matters I almost treat as irrelevant?
God created us with fantastic reasoning ability, and he expects us to use it. But when we value His intelligence below our own, we enter the character defect of Pride and take over running the show again. We need to humbly ask God to remove this shortcoming and to daily make us aware of his superior intellect in all of our affairs.