Where there is smoke, there is almost always fire

It is a spiritual [axiom] that there is something wrong with us every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about “justifiable” anger? If somebody cheats on us, aren’t we entitled to be mad? Can’t we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A., these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger should be left to those better qualified to handle it. Twelve and Twelve, pg.  90

In my first years of sobriety struggling with the 12 steps, I was reading the Twelve and Twelve and ran across this statement.  I remember first thinking it must be a misprint, or at a minimum Bill W. going off the deep end in his second manuscript after the Big Book.  I struggled with it for a few weeks then let it lie for several years.  I was busy enough at the time trying to whittle down an embarrassingly long list of existing resentments.  Recently I experienced actions of others that challenged my serenity and made me revisit this “Axiom”.

After a couple of weeks of reflection on this challenge including sending an email to the offending parties and reaching out to a potential mutually friendly advocate, I needed to dig deeper to regain my internal peace.  Finding a lack of progress, I reached out and saw what others thought about this “Axiom”.  The views I found were diverse, driven by plenty of emotion, but accompanied by some good insights.

The first insight was that reactions to similar events can be very different in the same individual over time. They are not determined by external circumstances as much as the subtle nuances of one’s present spiritual condition.  This can prompt us to dig deeper into understanding the motivations behind our motivations.

Secondly, our initial reactions underline the tendency to deflect guilt by pointing fingers at others, but that is only a temporary refuge. The “Axiom” helps us to reframe our initial reaction to disturbances not as obstacles but as opportunities to reclaim personal serenity, independent of circumstances.

The third perspective is that as always in AA, challenges to “Finance and Romance” are triggers or signs of smoke that prompt greater investigation.

Next, we need to explore the idea in our struggles with others that we may be unwilling to hold ourselves to the standards we expect of them.

As we mature in the process, we can see disturbances as opportunities for self-healing.  It suggests the possibility that once we heal ourselves spiritually, our serenity can become less dependent on other’s behavior.

The process deepens as we connect with our Higher Power as a source of strength that can liberate ourselves from the shackles of eternal disturbances. He can create an inner peace that protects both us and others from further harm. 

In the process, the “Axiom” stands as the irrefutable truth framing disturbances not as roadblocks but as warnings for introspections and self-discovery. We can accept our normal emotional reactions, and not deny our feelings, but through acceptance allow them to dissipate naturally.  One person said if you diffuse 70% of the emotion, you can work on the other 30%.

For me, the real culprit this time was Expectations that got crushed.  Said differently, I didn’t get the appreciation I expected, in fact, the reverse. What I needed instead was an outlook of Expectancy.  That’s where I turn my will and life over to the care of God.  I’m responsible for the effort and he is responsible for all of the Outcome(s). I trust in his time that all will be worked out for me in his plan for my life.

Finally, the “Axiom” becomes more than a concept, it becomes a way of life in which we can transcend the limitations of the past and blend the internal and external realms into a cohesive personal reality. But this is only true if we consistently recognize that where there is Smoke, there is almost always a Fire.